Lesson 3

The warm, happy marriage: cold hard facts to consider

Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995, para. 1)

The chapter this lesson is taken from is titled “The Warm, Happy Marriage: Cold, Hard Facts to Consider”. Marriage as an institution has been under attack from secular society for decades. Popular press, magazine articles, even some studies suggest that marriage is an out-of-date practice, with no current function in society.

However, those who seriously studied marriage, came to much different conclusions. Many began their studies with the idea that perhaps marriage had become irrelevant. Or that divorce didn’t really have that profound an effect on children. Or even that alternatives to traditional marriage were just as good as that between a man and a woman, as traditionally envisioned. To their surprise, every study showed that there were benefits to marriage that were not understood before. (VanDenBerghe & Hawkins, page 70)

What were some of the benefits for couples that researchers have discovered about a stable, married relationship?

“Married adults are clearly healthier than their non-married counterparts”. (VanDenBerghe & Hawkins, page 71) This holds true for those living in poverty or wealth, those who have previous health challenges, and across ethnic groups. Married people live longer, live healthier, recover better from illness and surgery, and maintain their health to longer ages than their unmarried counterparts.

“Married people are generally happier, the studies find, with greater life satisfaction, lower risk for depression, and greater economic stability, all contributing to better mental health.” (VanDenBerghe & Hawkins, page 71) This counteracts the naysayers who claim that marriage is stifling and unfulfilling. Some may claim that it’s the living together that provides those benefits, but studies in Europe, where cohabitation is even more common that in the United States showed that there was a significant gap in the happiness level between those married and those living together without marriage.

What enables a good marriage to have these benefits? First, before marriage, “couples need to consider shared values and life goals as paramount” (VanDenBerghe & Hawkins, page 72) Which means that dating couples must discuss such things, and make decisions that will provide the companionship, love, and commitment that a lifetime of marriage can provide. A marriage founded and lived on real life rather than fantasy is more satisfying because it gives a couple the emotional closeness that we all need to have a fulfilling life.

Discussion Questions:

Why is marriage (rather than cohabitation) important to you?

What difference can “the piece of paper” make in a relationship?

How does a committed marriage benefit the couple and society?

Works Cited:

A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed.). Brigham Young University.

VanDenBerghe, E, Hawkins, A. J. (2010) The warm, happy marriage: cold, hard facts to consider. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed. Pp 27-37). Brigham Young University.