Lesson 2

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.  (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995, para. 7)

These lines are perhaps the most misunderstood of the entire Proclamation. What does it mean to preside? Or to provide? Or nurture? And is there really a difference in roles based on sex? How does the term “equal partners” square with this division of labor?

First, we define equality. “Equality is all too often used to mean identity; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other.” (Hudson & Miller, page 38) Latter-day Saint theology teaches us that we are all unique individuals, with talents and abilities that are our own. “Think of all we believe to be true about the equality, both here and in Zion of men and women in God’s kingdom: equal in blessings, equal in power, intelligence, wisdom, dignity, respect, giving counsel, giving consent, agency, value, potential, authority, exalted fullness, virtue, spirituality, and spiritual gifts; equal in temporal things in Zion, and equal heirs with Christ.” (Hudson & Miller, page 38)

The idea of equal partners goes all the way back to Adam and Eve in the Garden. Eve was created as a “help meet” for Adam, after a time of being alone, and knowing that alone was no good. She was not a “helper”, but a companion, someone to be equal, or suited together. To work together, side-by-side to accomplish goals. Eve was never someone who was less than Adam, no matter how many faith leaders have twisted the message in that way.

In Latter-day Saint marriages, both parties must come together convinced of each other’s equality. (Hudson & Miller, page 41) Whether one feels superior or inferior to the other skews the relationship, and creates an imbalance. A marriage partner who feels they are above the other does not respect their opinion. They can quickly become an abusive, controlling person who creates an atmosphere in the home of dread and fear. This is contrary to the Gospel of Christ. “One of the most revolutionary aspects of the restored gospel is its ability to help us envision difference without hierarchy, distinctiveness without inequality.” (Hudson & Miller, page 41)

In our modern society, we tend to view “provide” as “dad makes money” and “nurture” as “mom takes care of babies/house”. While those definitions can happen in a family, they are not the only ones. To be honest, someone has to take care of the home and children, and (usually) someone else is responsible to bring in the means to provide for that home. However that works best for your family, is how you should make it work. Equal means that each spouse treats the other with respect and love. And that each helps the other with duties that they have decided together how to divide (or not) so that the family can run smoothly. Neither spouse has veto power over the other’s decisions, and neither feels the need to acquiesce to the other just to keep peace. All desire to show love and faith to all members of the family and to work together to accomplish their goals.

Discussion Questions:

Separately answer the following questions (on paper), then come together and discuss the definitions of these words until you come to a mutual understanding.

What does “preside” mean?

What does “nurture” mean?

What does “equal partners” mean?

Works Cited

A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed.). Brigham Young University.

Hudson, V. M., Miller, R. B. (2010) Equal partnership between men and women in families. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed. Pp 27-37). Brigham Young University.