Lesson 1

 

Lesson 1

 Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995, para. 6)

Chapter 3, entitled “Foundational processes for an enduring, healthy marriage”, lists 6 foundational processes to help create a lasting marriage. (Duncan & McCarty, page 27)

Foundation #1 is a personal commitment to the marriage covenant. (Duncan & McCarty, page 28) Is your marriage a contract, or a covenant? A contract marriage can be broken by walking away, looking for happiness elsewhere. A covenant marriage that is founded on the teachings of Jesus Christ on the part of both husband and wife can work through the troubles that come with life. If a couple begin their relationship with the Savior as part of their daily life, they can become closer together as both strive to get closer to God.

Foundation #2 is love and friendship (Duncan & McCarty, page 30) The Proclamation states in paragraph 6 that husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other. This responsibility is listed before any other marital responsibilities. It is a cornerstone of the gospel, and the most important commandment listed by Jesus himself after loving God. Love is an extension of friendship. A married couple must always continue to build friendship by spending significant time together, working on joint goals together, and making sure to have time to be friends, not just parental partners together.

Foundation #3 is positive interaction. (Duncan & McCarty, page 31) While not every single interaction with your spouse is going to be positive (because you are both human with different thoughts), it is important to be sure that as much of your interactions can be positive as possible. Some negative things are not worth commenting on. We don’t ignore things that are painful or hurtful, but we don’t create negative experiences. That can happen when “jokes” are not funny, “teasing” is rampant, or comparisons are made to other people who maybe “do things better” than our spouse does. Just as negativity can become a habit, so can positivity. Looking on the bright side, and creating a cheerful home is paramount.

Foundation #4 is accepting influence from one’s spouse. (Duncan & McCarty. page 32) Accepting influence can also be referred to as sharing the decision-making power. You are a team, not with a captain and subordinates, but two co-captains, with equal power, intelligence, and love for each other and the children. We share our opinions, take each other’s ideas into account, and make decisions not on a veto system, nor a tie-breaker system, but on a system where if we don’t agree, we wait until we come up with something that we do agree on.

Foundation #5 is respectfully handle differences and solve problems. (Duncan & McCarty, page 33) Differences large and small come when two people come together to create a new family. No matter if you were raised in the same ward in the same small town, or if you are from different regions of the nation/ world, things come up that you never considered. Even the small issue of using toothpaste (she squeezes from the bottom, he from the middle). It can become a giant irritation, or you can create an easy solution (his and hers tubes). Many problems and differences can be handled in the same ways, easy or hard. Choose the easy whenever possible. And when things are unpleasant, offer sincere repentance and forgiveness. Start better tomorrow.

Foundation #6 is continuing courtship through the years. (Duncan & McCarty, page 34) Good things require nurturing, and marriage is no exception. No matter how much in love, or how wonderful the beginning, if the relationship is neglected, it can die a slow death. Keep the marriage alive by continuing to court each other. Go on dates, do things you enjoy together. When in the middle of the poor, early years, with small children all around going out may be very difficult. But doing something together to nurture the relationship doesn’t have to be done outside the house. Be intentional, and do something. Create rituals for yourselves, keep things alive and fresh.

Discussion Questions:

What is our foundation?

What do we need to do to improve our marriage?

Works Cited

A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed.). Brigham Young University.

Duncan, S. F., McCarty Zasukha, S. S. (2010) Foundational processes for an enduring, healthy marriage. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed. Pp 27-37). Brigham Young University.