Lesson 7

Supporting families across generations

Extended families should lend support when needed. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995, para. 7)

“People in modern society are living longer than ever before, which is giving family members unprecedented opportunities to experience and enjoy extended family relationships” (Miller & Yorgason, page 181). In generations past, life expectancy was much shorter than it is today. While there were notable people who lived until their 80s or 90s, that was the exception. Today, it is much more common. What does that mean for families? Many more adults have their parents with them for much longer than their parents or grandparents did. Children have grandparents with them well into their own adulthood, and their children can meet and have a relationship with their great-grandparents.

Elders in the family can offer guidance and support much longer than before. What kind of support? Grandparents can have an active role in guiding and teaching children in their posterity. They can offer a first hand accounts and stories from the ‘old days’ that are captivating to someone who hasn’t lived them. Grandparents can offer support to their children when there is a crisis in their family. Either by stepping in to help with children while parents are busy with a health issue or a problem with another child. They provide an anchor to their descendants, a port in the storm of stability.

In emergencies, grandparents can become guardians of children whose parents have lost their way. They may have the financial means to help a child with college or other expenses (if that is an appropriate use of funds). Extended family should not become a defacto bank, bailing out poor choices hither and yon. But if there are true emergencies, they can provide that kind of support.

Another consequence of longer lifespan, is a longer time of feeble old age. Medical advances allow the elderly to live longer with chronic issues that would have killed their parents in their 60s. Many are manageable, and living a healthy life helps to mitigate some of that. However, just as grandparents can help the younger generations, the time may come when the youngers need to help the elders, either by caretaking or by financial support. Loving families can work all of that out in a way that helps everyone.

Discussion questions:

What is appropriate support for my extended family? Take into consideration where you and your children are situated in financial and other circumstances.

In what situations may our family be in need of support or help?

What help may a family need other than financial?

Works cited:

A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed.). Brigham Young University.

Miller, R. B., Yorgason, J. B. (2010) Supporting families across generations. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.). (2010) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (2^nd ed. Pp 27-37). Brigham Young University.